I was oppressed as a child and as an adult

Hi all, this is Amandeep, a grown woman who was oppressed by her own uncle (my dad’s younger brother). I am the only child of my parents. After I was born, my mom’s was unable to conceive again due to some complications during my delivery time. I had a childhood of a princess, well most of it, as my parents treated me with most love and care that they could have. There were only two regrets I had in my childhood, one was that I always wished I had a sibling to play along, second, my uncle would treat me in balance with his daughter and my sister, Simerjeet. He allowed her to wear western dresses, fire his gun, drive car etc. however, I was not allowed to do such activities as he was not comfortable and my father, being influenced by his brother’s success, never intervened.

So I was oppressed by own family members and my parents aided my oppressors. This went on until the day I got married. My marriage is an arranged one, a common way to get married in India. Our families united us, and in less than a day, we turned from strangers to a couple. It was very difficult night and I was terrified until we started talking. My husband broke the ice and started conversation. I followed his lead. He had his own questions, doubts, I had mine. Once we had a chat, I started feeling okay, relaxed and I felt like our parents had taken a good decision of marrying us. Most of our childhood incidents were similar; many of our experiences were similar as well. We shared many memories, mistakes and the chat went on.

Next day was traumatising. My mother in law had some fairy tale expectations from me with respect to house hold chores and kitchen menu. I was not much of a cook. I knew how to cook a few veggies and stuff but I was no expert as I had just finished my college when I got married. My mother in law used to scold me and drag my parents in the argument. That would obviously make me very angry. One day I called up my dad and asked him to pay a visit to my home and reason up with my mother in law. He declined; I cried that night and my husband asked me the reason of my sadness. When I shared my problem, he smiled and hugged me. He told me that his mother is a very good cook and she likes her kitchen to be well organised. He said that maybe his mother is comparing my cooking with her and that might be the actual reason of friction between us two.

Next morning I called up my mom and she gave me some tips on cooking. I tried those tips and asked my mother in law to taste the meal. She checked the curry, smiled and gave me a tight hug. Then I told her the entire story of how her son cleared up my brain and my mom guided me along. She understood and started teaching me how to cook. Her cooking styles and techniques were very different from my mom’s and yes, she is indeed a great cook. Things between us started getting better from that day onwards. I always wish, to this day, that if someone could have guided me in my childhood, maybe I would have overcome my first oppressor with ease and would have spent a better childhood. May be has also upset with me because of something missing or wrong with me, just like my mother in law, however, I was too young to understand or find out at that time, and I guess it is too late to think of or work on, now. I have moved on, but the scar is still visible, sometimes, as a bunch of painful memories and sometimes, well as a medal.

So that’s my experience of oppression, thanks for reading!